I really don’t know if I want to write about this for my
blog. My class can see it and this post is a little personal so I don’t know if
I want all of them to see it. But I am out of ideas for posts so I am going to
do it anyway.
It’s my senior year. And this past Friday I had some…
issues, at the game.
We had the day off of school that day. I went on a college
visit. That means the whole day consisted of me being anxious about my future
and what would happen in a few months when I get out of school.
I arrived back in town with plenty of time to get to the
game. I did some chores and other things around the house and even took a bit
of a nap. As soon as I woke up, that’s when the trouble started.
A panic attack. It happens sometimes, it’s actually a pretty
common thing for teenagers nowadays. Eventually the attack subsided and I tried
to prepare for the game.
Every time I did anything, I would freeze. My heart would
sink. My stomach would get tied into knots. I could hardly breathe. Every step
of the way I got side tracked. Every time I tried to find a shirt, or make a
run to the store for something I need. Or putting on my clothes for the game.
It was plaguing me, and making me late, which only made it
worse.
All my problems can be boiled down to two simple facts.
1.
It was senior night
2.
I was in the stands and not on the track
I love football. I would’ve died for it. I will never play
it again.
This is my senior year and I had to watch my friends and teammates
walk across that track and get their names read with all their information. It sounds
egotistic but that should be me.
I put in the work. Years and years of work. I started when I
was in 1st grade and didn’t stop until last year. And I don’t get a
single piece of the payoff.
It hurts. Deep down inside.
I just want to play football.
And I never will again. I will never play at Kingston stadium
again in the rest of my life and that hurts. It hurts because for my entire
life I have wanted to play football for Kennedy high school under the lights at
Kingston. I wanted to be a part of the team that wins the state championship.
And I never will be.
It’s like chasing you dream for your whole life and watching
it slip through your fingers only to be picked up by everyone you know and
love.
I like the way you wrote/structured this post. I know you probably would rather not know I read this, but I do admire that you were willing to post this. I will never truly understand how you feel, but just know many people in our school admire you for your school spirit. I think it's great how much you support the team even though you are unable to be on it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you didn't get to achieve your dream of going to the playoffs and playing under the Friday Night Lights. I am kind of in the same situation as you. On August 1st I broke my ankle, as you probably already knew, but since then i have been trying to recover and get back to dancing. The healing process is taking longer than I was hoping. I still haven't started to practice yet, so I will not be competing at all this year and that reality finally set in yesterday when we were at Carver Hawkeye for our first competition. I watched my Team from the seats as they danced their hearts out and it killed me to not be out there with them. I would give anything to be dancing right now, but I can't.
ReplyDeleteI really liked reading this post because I can relate to it. Thank you for sharing this.
I noticed you said you were running out of ideas. I did a blog on seniority, but I would like to hear your perspective on it.
ReplyDelete