Jurassic World

I’ve noticed a new trend throughout the movie world. It’s reviving old movie series’ and throwing a new movie on the end. Sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes it sucks. One of these old movies made new is the “Jurassic Park” series. To put it simply, it was alright. And because it’s alright, I have to argue that it sucks.

I know I sound like a jerk but it’s all or nothing and this movie isn’t all. Jurassic park is one of the best movies of all time. It is a classic. The other two sucked, but they were good enough in terms of regular sequels that they are allowed into the party.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed Jurassic world. As a standalone movie it would have been good, well, if the original movies didn’t exist. But because it is piggy backing the shoulders of giants and it is slowing the giant down, I gotta tell it to hop off. Jurassic park was groundbreaking. Jurassic world forgot to bring a shovel. I guess I don’t think that this movie should have been made. Just leave it be. Now if they had come up with an amazing idea and it actually added to the series, it would’ve been welcomed with open arms. But that wasn’t the case. So I have to respectfully request a death by fire.

Alright, now I’m going to talk about the movie as itself. If it seems oddly positive compared to the beginning, just ignore it.

I really liked this movie. There were a lot of good things. There were dinosaurs, Chris Pratt, genetic modification, guns, Chris Pratt, Chris Pratt’s guns, explosions, nostalgia moments, Chris Pratt, motorcycles (with and without Chris Pratt), people getting eaten, Chris Pratt, and Chris Pratt. Now some might say that the only reason I like this movie is because of Chris Pratt. Those people would be right. He stole the show. Even the people in the movie were like “Nah this guy Owen (Chris Pratt)is a badass we’re gonna chill with him”

This movie has a perfect opportunity to just be blockbuster fun. Bubblegum for the brain. But it overcomplicates things and lets us down at a few points and in the end it comes out so-so. Chris Pratt is the one who recovers it. He’s the only good actor in it.

Some of the downsides were the predictability and the bad CGI. The story followed a pretty standard formula. And the CGI is overused to an ungodly extent.'

One final negative point is the overcomplication. There were waaaaay too many different things thrown in there to try to make us feel for the characters. In the end we blocked out the useless information that doesnt affect the story and watched people get eaten.

Dr. Strangelove

Dr. Strangelove (or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb) is one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen.

The movie is centered on a bomber wing during the cold war. During the cold war, America had nuclear armed bombers circling around Russia, 24 hours a day, every day. Every individual bomber carried more firepower than all the bombs dropped in all of world war two combined. They were all 2 hours away from their targets.

This movie is about a wing commander who goes insane and decides to bomb Russia, so he seals off the base and issues the go codes. What follows is two hours of hilarity as the United States works with Russia to try to avoid world war three and the inhalation of mankind. Needless to say, everything goes wrong and the movie ends as billions are being killed.

Possibly the funniest thing is the complete incompetence (or skill) of the characters. The people who you would expect to make good decisions and handle stress well respond horribly to the situation. And in contrast, the characters who you’d expect to mess up, the comically diverse and naive crew, preforms amazingly and has success… if you’d call it that. The president is nervous, the Russian premier is drunk, the generals are stupid and either cowards or overly aggressive, and the base commander is completely insane.

To counter that, the crew on the bomber has every obstacle imaginable thrown at them and they continue to have good luck and they perform well. The cowboy pilot from Texas who swaps his flight helmet for a cowboy hat when they get the code leads them all the way in. All the members of the crew remain calm and do what they are supposed to. In fact there is a scene where the president asks a general if the plane will actually be able to make it there and start the war they are trying to stop. The general begins to explain how they are trained and slowly shifts into giddy excitement about the skills of the pilots until he realizes that he was getting excited about something that would be the death of him.

The humor is a little dark but I love it and I think most people would. It’s a hilarious take on the cold war and it comes from a time when total inhalation was a very real possibility. One of the funniest things to remember is that while all of the arguing and banter is happening, the people of the world are going about their day to day lives. Completely unaware of the struggle.

I highly recommend this movie. Unfortunately it is very hard to find but if you really want it you can buy it at Barnes and Noble.

Here is a link to a video of one of my favorite scenes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=231TmvIPzQQ

An open letter to horror movies:

Dear horror movies and the people who make you. You used to be awesome! Creative stories and designs, next gen special effects, and top acting. Unfortunately, you’re in a slump. Okay a bit more of a slump. More like the ground. Approximately 6 feet under the ground.

But don’t fear! You can rise from this grave like the movies of yesteryear! You just have to eliminate the following things:

1.       Sequels and prequels. Okay, I can see where youre coming from here. Make a movie, have some people watch it, get a bit of cash, and you want to repeat the process. But let me respond with a question, when the hell has a sequel been halfway decent in the horror genre? I can’t think of a single one. Pumping out the same story and characters time and time again is not a good way to make movies. And reviving once great stories from the dead just makes them a zombie, no one wants to see that… okay a lot of people do… the zombie part not the reviving old dead stuff and trying to make it new.

2.       The idea that horror films can be cheap. Nowadays, horror movies feel like they were made from all the least expensive parts in all areas. If this continues, people won’t.

3.       Bad acting. This goes hand in hand with the cheapness. It’s not all that easy to portray the emotions necessary for a good horror movie. You shouldn’t skimp out here and grab someone who claims to be an actor and will work for peanuts. If they can’t convince me then I’m not going to get into it.

4.       Un originality. God dammit guys it’s your jobs to think of new stuff to make can you please just sit down and think about it for a minute? You suck. Most movies are as predictable and basic as “The Cat in the Hat” and about as entertaining. There was a time when there were new ideas going around and when a horror movie came out, it was something that no one had ever seen before. Now you can guess the entire plot from the trailer. There have been some good ideas recently but they are squandered due to lack of plot and other things. I’m looking at you “Purge”

5.       Shaky cam. The point of going to a movie is to see something. If we wanted flashing lights a bad audio we would’ve stayed in the 30s, looked at Christmas trees, and listened to the radio.

A few other things. I don’t go to horror movies, I barely even watch them. Even when I do go, I don’t follow along. And the reason why is because I don’t give a damn. I don’t care about any of the stuff going on. The whole movie could be replaced by a black screen and every 15-20 minutes a scary monster face would flash up on screen and have a loud scream and it would be about the same level of commitment to the characters.

The problem with horror today is, you can’t make me scared if I don’t give a shit about anything going on. You can startle me. In the same way that a person jumping out from around the corner startles me. It’s not scary, I’m not afraid, I don’t have any fear, and in the case of horror movies, I’m not going to go.

Now, how do you fix this? My advice, take a few years off. Just stop making them. They won’t be missed. And it will give you all a chance to get your crap together and put together a decent film that would be good without the jump scares. 

Soon to Come

Next week ill be talking about Dr. Strangelove (or how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb) and I'll do a review of a new movie.

Also, I'll be covering the Oscar nominations and picking my favorites. I think ill do breakdowns of the ones i like best.

In the distant future I will talk about some different actors and directors and i will break down their style and my favorite movies/ roles of theirs. I might also start doing lists for top movies in a genera.

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Hey! That’s my background!

I really like “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington”. It’s one of my favorites. I’m not going to review it, I’m just going to talk about it and why I like it.

For those who don’t know, “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” is about a man who is nominated to fill a senate seat and accidentally uncovers political corruption.

In short, I love this movie because of this:

“I guess this is just another lost cause, Mr. Paine. All you people don't know about lost causes. Mr. Paine does. He said once they were the only causes worth fighting for. And he fought for them once, for the only reason any man ever fights for them; because of just one plain simple rule: 'Love thy neighbor.'... And you know that you fight for the lost causes harder than for any other. Yes, you even die for them.”

That is the general theme of this movie.

The spoiler freshness seal for this movies spoilers broke about 60 years ago so I’m not gonna hold anything back.

After Smith is framed for corruption he manages to get to floor of the senate and filibusters before he is removed from office. During that filibuster he says some of the most amazing things ever said in the senate, fictional or not.

It’s a statement about honor and commitment to the values that make America what it is. And how values are only true when they are tested. If you claim you have a value but you abandon it as soon as it becomes hard to hold that value.

Mr. Smith is a man who hasn’t done anything wrong. And gives the impression that he’s never done a bad thing in his life. And yet, for most of the movie, he is framed and squewed until he resembles a bad guy. I think that’s one of the most important messages from this movie. It’s that sometimes, the person you hate is actually the one fighting for you and the person you are counting on is the one who can hurt you the most.

The other thing that makes this movie so special is that it shows the power of one man’s unyielding commitment to a “Lost Cause.” No matter what happens, they can’t shake him off until the truth is revealed. He doesn’t care what happens to himself in the process, he only cares about what is right and what is wrong. He chooses to act like every American should at a time when those we count on to represent America have failed. 

The Revenant

Someone give Leo a goddam Oscar before he kills himself.

I just got back from this movie. Holy shit its good… well, in that “Shindler’s List” kind of way.

Decaprio was amazing, as always, but I have to argue that the real star was Alejandro Iñárritu, the director. I never saw birdman but I’ve added it to my list. This movie is beautiful in ways I could never describe. Some of the shots were so breathtaking I got chills.

I’ve already talked about the story of Hugh glass and there are no real surprises in the movie so I’m going to speak somewhat freely about the plot.

They keep true to the real story pretty well, although they do add some things and change a few details, the core of what happens stays pretty true.

This movie is not for the faint of heart. Some of the violence was extreme. In particular, the bear attack stands out. Most movies show some parts of things like this. Or they use shaky cam and blur it. This movie does not. You see the attack as if you were standing right there. You can see it all.

There is no point where the camera turns away to hide the violence. The only way to look away is to actually do it. It’s not unexpected though. You bought a ticket to a movie about a guy who gets mauled by a bear and has to fight his way back. You should expect some violence. I guess the only surprising part how non chelantly the film makers look at violence. They just show it and let you experience it at face value. A refreshing change.

“The Revenant” is good. I’d recommend it very highly and because of its stunning, and striking, visuals I recommend seeing it on the big screen. You won’t regret it.

It is truly a movie that will stick with you. It’s a show of the will of one man against some of the most impossible odds I’ve ever seen. Because of this, you’ll be glad it’s over when it is. It’s not fun to watch. You aren’t going to have a good time. You’re not even gonna smile. But you’ll get out and say you loved it, you’ll be glad you don’t have to watch a man be physically and mentally tortured anymore, but you’ll love it.

“The Revenant” gets a 95% overall and Leo get 100% because he just does. I don’t know what other movies are going to contend with this one at the Oscars.

PS: I also really liked Tom Hardy and his character. 

Hateful 8

I recently went to Quinten Tarantino’s 8^th movie, “The Hateful 8”, and let me say before I even start: I absolutely love Tarantino. I adore him and he could make a two hour movie featuring noting but him going to the bathroom and I’d still love it.

That being said, I really do love “The Hateful 8”. The acting is outstanding and everyone brought their “A” game to this one. As usual, the directing is some of the best I’ve seen.

One thing that really stood out for me about this movie was the suspense, an art form that Tarantino has down completely. Time after time he’s been able to use regular, everyday activities, to build stunning tension and fear. For example, in “Pulp Fiction”, two hit men are on their way to kill some people, but rather than talking about that and being serious, they talk about foot massages and burgers. Even when the hit is about to take place, they talk about food and other unrelated things.

Another example is in “Inglorious Bastards”. The movie opens to a character called “The Jew Hunter” interviewing a French farmer. You know something bad is going to happen but it is never mentioned until the last minute. Instead they talk about milk and have a philosophical discussion about “The Jew Hunter’s” role in the war.

The backdrop to the movie is that it is the old west and they are in Utah, there is a snow storm coming and everyone is converging on one shelter. It’s known to the audience that bad things are about to happen but for the most part, it stays calm. It’s just people hanging out and talking and every now and then, something violent happens and the regular Tarantino blood and gore comes out.

This movie actually threw me for a loop at several points. There were a lot of twists and I can really appreciate a good twist. I had no clue how this movie was going to end (but I did like the way it ended… I’ll get there in a minute) and I doubt anyone in the theater had any clue what was going to happen when they came in.

After this point I might spoil some things so look away to avoid them.

This movie isn’t for everyone. There is a lot of messed up stuff happening and I saw many people leave the theater part way through because of it. Tarantino really goes wherever he wants with this one. Because of this the blood and gore is amped up to an extent, but that’s not why people left. A woman is beaten and abused, Innocents are slaughtered, and there is an extended scene when Samuel Jackson describes how he killed a man to his father. A brutal death that includes stripping the man naked, forcing him to walk through snow, making him…. Felatio… Jackson for a blanket (which he never received) and his eventual death from freezing. On top of that there is a part when a couple characters drink poison and proceed to vomit an obscene amount of blood.

Alright, now for the ending. You know how at the end of certain movies, you can’t help but say “like everyone died!”? Well that actually happens here. No joke, everyone in the movie is dead by the end. It’s actually kinda funny. I really like the ending and I couldn’t think of a better way to end it.

The only issue I see is the pacing. It is kinda slow at points and it takes a while for the setup to end. I think they could've cut it down about 15 more minutes and it would've been a little better. Its not bad, and I like it the way it is but to appeal to everyone, a shortened version might have been better.

In the end, this movie is very good, it’s far from Tarantino’s best but it isn’t his worst. And his worst is still better than 80% of every other movie so I’d give this movie a solid 85%. There really isn’t a good reason to watch it in the theater so I’d recommend saving your money and watching it when it comes to a video store or Netflix.